Tag Archives: Paula Wallace

Savannah Makes SCAD President’s Wig Style Mandatory

It is now mandatory for faculty in Savannah to get the same haircut as the benevolent dictator and matronly president of Savannah College of Art and Design, Dear Leader.

Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD), the ‘secretive university’ impoverished faculty are sure to be flocking to the barbers Wednesday, as the SCAD-sanctioned guidelines were reportedly rolled out university-wide.

Savannah College of Art and Design clearly has its priorities right, dismissing accusations of crimes against faculty and monitored faculty free speech to instead focus on the introduction of the compulsory boxy, mushroom-esque hair do.

Previously, among SCAD’s many university-inflicted horrors, faculty were only allowed to choose from 18 styles for women and 10 for men.

SCAD’s university TV launched a campaign against long hair and jeans, called “Let us trim our hair and shed our jeans in accordance with the SCAD lifestyle” – see instructional dystopian nightmare video below.

[ct_video title=”SCAD instructional dystopian nightmare video” type=”youtube” id=”4c92fYmL0ro”] SCAD’s university TV launched a campaign against long hair and jeans, called “Let us trim our hair and shed our jeans in accordance with the SCAD lifestyle” [/ct_video]

Unsurprisingly, many have reservations about being indignantly forced into having a SCAD Universty controlled bouffant hairstyle.

“Our Leader’s wig is very particular, if you will,” one source told Radio Free Savannah.

“It doesn’t always go with everyone since everyone has different face and head shapes.”

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader encouraged the SCAD community to purchase an official SCAD wig stating: “the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.

 

Diane von Furstenberg “I Vaguely Remember the SCAD.”

Diane von Furstenberg “I Vaguely Remember the SCAD.”

As we all know, Dear Leader is fond of telling faculty, prospective students, and anyone who will listen about the ‘close personal friendship’ that she holds with Ms. Diane von Furstenberg. Understandably, it came as quite a shock when the SCAD bubble discovered this week that Ms. Diane von Furstenberg, when asked about this special friendship, seemed at a loss.

Diane von Furstenberg claims that she “vaguely remembers the SCAD” and our Dear Leader with her Southern charms. She also said that what she does recall when thinking of “the SCAD” was this: “It was charming and quaint.”

SCAD’s team of crack public relations experts were quick to put a positive spin on Diane von Furstenberg’s commentary by reminding the faithful that ‘vaguely’ denotes ‘lacking definite shape, form or character,’ and that DvF used the word ‘charming’ when referring to our beloved SCAD.

“So what DvF appears to be saying,” said Polly Pinkweather, SCAD’s Director of Image Clarification and Preservation, “Is that DvF’s relationship with Dear Leader is evolving… er… ‘taking form’ if you will.”

SCAD Secrets took the liberty of emailing DvF’s social secretary to ask her about Dear Leader’s close personal friendship with DvF.

We received a prompt response from DvF headquarters:

“Ms. von Furstenberg did receive an award from the SCAD and does indeed recall a conversation with that charming porch lady. We are unable to comment further on the matter.”

SCAD’s fashion department will sleep soundly tonight in the knowledge that Ms. Diane von Furstenberg remembers “the SCAD” and our Dear Leader.

(cue the music)

[photo] Diane von Furstenberg receives an award from “that porch women” our Dear Leader

From her porch at the Landings, Dear Leader reminded the SCAD community that she has many personal friendships (real and imagined) stating:“the highest and best use of a front porch is to enable and encourage the art of conversation. We entertain ourselves with stories on the porch. We invite people in. We sit. We visit.”

All stories on www.SCADSECRETS.com are parodies. All content on www.SCADSECRETS.com is fictionalized and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. This site and the content contained within are not affiliated with the Savannah College of Art & Design, a University of creative careers founded by Ms. Paula Wallace who is practically perfect in every way.